Over the summer I started reading more. I try to read before I go to bed at night, but that’s a bit tricky. Instead, on weekends, I sit with my coffee at my desk and read for a good hour or so. I’ll be posting quite a bit on the books I’m reading. The latest one I’ve picked up is titled You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. Yeah, it sounds a little too self-helpy, but so far it’s pretty spot on and quite humorous. I’ve only gotten through the first chapter, which is titled “My Subconscious Made Me Do It”. Sincero talks about how all the time we don’t allow ourselves to power through battles to meet our wants and needs, and instead allow our subconscious to overtake and spoil our efforts. Towards the end of the chapter she writes,
“Start waking up to the stories you’re working with in your subconscious (I’ll have to do things I hate in order to make money, I’ll feel trapped if I get into an intimate relationship, if I go on a diet I’ll never get to eat anything fun again, if I enjoy sex I’ll burn in Hell with the rest of the dirty sinners, etc.). Because once you see what’s really going on, you can start to drag out the stinky carcasses of your limiting subconscious beliefs and give them the heave-ho, thereby opening up the space to invite the fresh, new, awesome beliefs and experiences that you’d love to have, into your life.”
After reading this, I was reminded how I’d put off trying to lose weight for so long (34 years actually) because my subconscious was getting in my way and telling me that I wouldn’t be able to have fun anymore, ie. eat whatever I wanted, going to the boring gym, etc. Getting healthy would require a lot of work, and my subconscious was telling me that all that work wouldn’t be worth it and I was fine the way I was.
So how did I overcome this and end up punching my subconscious in her stinky face? Well, the support of my husband was a huge help for starters. We fell in love when I was still 240 lbs., but throughout our initial relationship stages, he had been much more health conscious than I. When I started my lifestyle change, I really struggled (more stinky subconscious) to accept the idea that he would love me if I were fat or skinny. Even now, and he can attest to this, I sometimes get defensive when he tries to give me workout or healthy eating tips because there’s a small part of me that thinks he wants me to be skinnier because he sees my fat as unattractive. And no matter how many times he tells me that isn’t the case, I still struggle to believe it. It’s not him; it’s me. My stupid stupid subconscious strikes again not allowing me to feel beautiful and confident.
Whooo-weee! That was a bit deep, but it feels good to get this out there. I guess the point I’m trying to make with this post is that we constantly have goals that our subconscious is trying to jeopardize. The first step in beginning a lifelong change is recognizing how your subconscious has hindered your progress, becoming aware of their existence, and kicking them in the crotch and moving forward.